Happy ending massages sound kinda hot in theory, but, as we’ve been told, the real deal doesn’t usually follow through on the fantasy (as in, they often involve a darkly lit back room in a sketchy part of town).
However, you can totally go the DIY route with your partner for a super-hot night in. All you need are a few sexy tricks up your sleeve.
Here, some special tips for your male or female “client.”
Set the Mood
A happy ending massage is all about ambiance and, well, sex. Before getting handsy, set the mood by dimming the lights, lighting a few candles, and splurging on some fine-ass massage oils. Bonus points for busting out clean sheets, fluffy towels, and a skimpy outfit for your bae to admire.
Lay the Groundwork
Start with the feather stroke: Lightly caress your S.O.’s neck, shoulders, arms, back, and buttocks with your fingertips for at least five minutes. “You can do this in circular motions, long fluid motions, or from side to side,” says sex therapist Ava Cadell, Ph.D., author of Neuroloveology. “If you have medium to long hair and don’t mind getting oil in it, use your locks to caress his body, too.” Mix up the location of your digits so he doesn’t know where you’re going to strike next. To heat things up, gradually upgrade to firm, slow strokes using your thumbs and the palms of your hands.
Next, turn your partner over and build anticipation by giving his or her inner thighs a rubdown. “The inner thighs, for ladies and gents, are very sensitive because they’re so close to the genitals,” says board-certified clinical sexologist Debra Laino. Gently knead the area using either your fingertips or the heel of your hand. Consider this move the teaser to the grand finale.
Nipple play is also important. “Nipple stimulation is processed in the same region of the brain as touch to the clitoris and penis, so lightly stimulating the area around the nipple (the areola) on both men and women can be very stimulating,” says Laino. “It will increase blood flow to both the nipples and to the genital area.” Use your thumb and index finger to slowly (and gently!) massage the nipple in a rotating motion—moving clockwise, then counter-clockwise—then use your thumb and ring finger to pull it up so you’re elongating it, says Cadell. Ask for feedback so that you get the pressure just right.
And don’t forget the abs! This is a hot spot for both men and women—especially the area between the belly button and genitals, says Laino. “Massaging this area can make the pelvic floor muscles contract,” she says. That sends blood flow straight to the genitals, she says. Press firmly, but not too firmly; you don’t want his bladder to start giving you ‘tude.
OK, now that your S.O. is primed and ready, onto the good stuff:
Warm up some massage oil by rubbing it with both hands, then spread it all over his penis and testicles. Place one hand on the shaft of his penis, and start stroking it in an up and down motion, says Cadell. Meanwhile, use the other hand to gently roll his testicles in your palm. Do this in slow-mo for at least a few minutes.
Next, gently rub his penis with both hands as if rubbing a stick to make a fire, then gradually segue into a corkscrew motion, where one hand twists up while the other twists down.
Now concentrate on massaging his penis from top to bottom, covering the head and sliding your hands down to the base—one after another—in a fluid motion. “Do this for about 10 strokes and don’t be surprised if he suddenly climaxes because this stroke makes him feel like he’s inside a wet vagina,” says Cadell. Me. Ow.
“On the female genitals, it’s best to switch to a water-based lubricant because if oil gets inside the vagina, it can cause irritation,” says Cadell. Make sure to warm the lube with your hands first before placing them in her vagina.
Start by focusing on the vulva, which is the outside visible area of the vagina, says Cadell. Gently rub the lube around her vaginal lips all the way down to her anus.
Gently part her outer lips with both of your thumbs, caressing them in circular motions for at least two minutes. Slide your thumbs up and down her outer lips until they’re spread apart, then do the same with her inner lips. “The inner lips are more sensitive, so use less pressure,” says Cadell. “Watch for her body language and for the swelling of her vaginal lips, which is a natural progression when a woman gets aroused.”
Finally, gently slide your thumb and forefinger up and down the sides of the clitoris for about 10 strokes. Massage the head of the clitoris in circular motions using your forefinger and thumb. “You may feel it growing as it becomes more excited, and with the clitoris containing about 8,000 nerve fibers, don’t be surprised if she has a body-melting, earth-shattering orgasm,” says Cadell. Game. Set. Match.