Cold War In Marriage – How Do Couples Cope With It?
For the benefit of those who may be totally strange to the topic, I want to first of all explain the meaning of cold war and its origin and then I will link it with marriage.
Cold war is a state of political unfriendliness between countries and is characterized by treats, boasting and other measures apart from open warfare. It is also said to be the state of unfriendliness that existed between the Soviet Union and the US-led Western Powers from 1945 to 1991 which is the period between the end of World War II and the collapse of the Soviet Union. History holds it that the United States (US) and Union of Soviet Socialist Republic (USSR) were allies during the Second World War. This means that these two nations were partners.
But due to their different ways of thinking and method of government they did not believe on each other and a tense relationship ensued in their bid to show that each other’s ideology was the best. Some historians believe that the hostility between these two countries ended at the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991 while some have other date for the end.
Now for these two countries, US and USSR, to have been allies means that they somehow had an understanding and a common gold which was to defeat the German and its allies in the war. The Gold being achieved they began to see fault in each other’s methods of operations.
Does the above narration sound similar to events that occur in marriage relationships? Yes! Now let’s try to define cold war in marriage. It is an opposition or rivalry between couples that are not openly expressed.
Think of a situation where you get married to an individual with the aim of building a happy home together. Then a misunderstanding ensues somewhere along the line in the relationship and there is a strong argument among you as to who is right and who is wrong. None of you accepts fault because you both think that you are right. So everyone keeps nursing the feelings of false or wrong accusation and rejection and decides to handle things the way they think is right.
Imagine that in-between you say things that really hurt your spouse and he or she vows never to forgive. So many times these misunderstandings or arguments make many couples to keep each other at arm’s length. Some will not talk to each other for a very long time but are still staying together in the same home. The period of time between these arguments and the time when you both are deliberating who will make the first move of apology is also called cold war.
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Marriage was meant for matured and responsible adults and it is very pathetic to see couples allow minor domestic or social challenges grow to the point of shutting down on each other. It is absolute wickedness, total immaturity and a sure sign of irresponsibility for couples to nurse feelings of ill-treatment for a long time without exposing it for settlement. Someone have to initiate the move for peace.
How would you like a situation where your wife for instance, after preparing your meal, walks pass you and throws the meal unto the dining table without a word to notify you that your meal is ready? How would you feel if your husband were to tell you that all is well even when he is not giving you the attention that you needed? Why should a wife refuse her husband’s sex advances with the excuse that she is sick just because there is a supposed ill-treatment from the man, which she has not voiced out? Why should you prolong the time of acceptance of apology just in the name of trying to teach your spouse a lesson?
Let me tell you this story about a couple who wouldn’t talk to each other because of an unsettled misunderstanding but resorted to writing as a way for communication. So one day the husband wrote to his wife that she should wake him up as early as am the following morning as he had a very important appointment to keep. 6 am the following morning the wife dropped a note on the husband’s bed with this writing ‘wake up, it is 6 am’. The man did not wake up until 7 am and as a result missed the appointment. When he woke up with wrath to confront his wife for not waking him up as instructed, the woman told him to go and check the note that she dropped on his bed.
That was the end of their cold war but then they had missed a life changing appointment.
You shouldn’t wait to witness the dilemma of cold war in your relationship as you may not be able to gather the debris of its destruction. Have respect for each other and handle every difference with maturity. Tell your partner when you are offended and accept apologies as soon as they are tendered and move along.
The sooner you settle your differences and end that cold war the more secured and sweeter your marriage will be and the time to do that is now.