As our modern world is getting tuned into the wonders of tantra and conscious sexuality practices, there are few concepts more alluring and awe-inspiring than the idea of having unlimited numbers of orgasms purely by tapping into one’s energy system. When it comes down to mesmerizing tantric sex that blows the lid off of everything you’ve experienced before, it’s all about the energy. Here’s a full guide to how to have an energy orgasm with yourself and with a partner.
What is an energy orgasm?
Energy orgasm is a practice that can be explored with a partner or alone and involves the separation of the experience of orgasm from the stimulation required for physical climax. While you may only be able to physically climax a limited number of times in a certain session of sexual play (for some people, only once or none at all), people of all genders can learn to orgasm energetically many more times. You can also learn to orgasm even when there’s no sexual contact happening, solely by tapping that generous river of pleasure that is right there waiting for you.
How to have an energy orgasm:
1. First, you need to open your mind to the possibilities. Really.
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The basic idea behind the energy orgasm is that we all have this potent stream of Eros within us, this sexual, creative, life force energy flowing and animating our being at all times. This flow is literally available to us continuously, but unfortunately, it’s currently not socially acceptable to fall into an orgasmic swoon in public at any time of the day or night, so we generally hold our energy systems kind of tightly and keep our minds firmly in control of the situation.
Due to a variety of factors, the vast majority of people only know how to access orgasmic energy when their genitals are being stimulated, with some requiring greater levels of stimulation than others to get to that place of energetic expansion and flow. (For some it is still frustratingly difficult to access orgasmic energy even with physical stimulation, possibly because the mind is stubbornly clinging on too tightly. This could be due to past traumas, feeling unsafe in one’s body, the presence of physical pain, negative social conditioning or shame around sexual pleasure, unhelpful belief systems or patterns regarding one’s sexuality, or any number of challenges.)
An energy orgasm can also be called a “mind-gasm” because you only have to “let go” of your mind in a particular way to allow the power of this orgasmic flow to come through. You could say that most people may only “let” themselves access it during genital stimulation, but once you know it’s possible to connect with this energy without direct physical contact, it becomes vastly more available to you.
2. Practice with the food-gasm.
Have you ever had a “food-gasm”? One of the easiest and most benign ways to experience an energy orgasm is through the sense of taste: slowly and intentionally feeding each other delicious bites of delicacies and then watching the other person catapult into a deep ecstatic reverie that can be literally orgasmic.
Try it yourself:
- When swooning into food ecstasy, mentally prepare yourself ahead of time to let yourself have the most expansive and pleasurable experience possible. Often someone else can be holding space for you, and their witnessing of you can actually increase your enjoyment.
- Get ready, take your time, and slowly receive the perfect bite into your mouth.
- Close your eyes, relax your whole body, and let your mind be completely consumed by the flavor and the sensation of eating.
- Ignore any other inputs and attune solely to the pleasure of the experience, letting it ripple throughout your whole body and being and into the space around you.
- Take your time coming back to reality and slowly open your eyes when you’re ready. Many times you and the other person will both have a huge smile on your face!
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Part of this is just practicing living on the edge of socially sanctioned displays of pleasure. Don’t be afraid to get absorbed in this kind of orgasmic wonder for minutes at a time, letting yourself breathe, and make whatever tender sounds of delight feel natural. What’s important about this particular practice is that the food orgasm is not going to uncontrollably come over you; you have to let yourself do it. The same is true for a sexual energy orgasm.
3. Connect with this energy during sex—without touch.
You can learn to tune into that creative, pulsating erotic flow within you without even needing actual stimulation to get it going. What you do need are the three major keys to moving energy in tantra, which are breath, sound, and movement. Using these three keys, you can practice “running” your sexual energy throughout your body, whether you’re engaged in sensual play or alone, and you can amp it up until it spills over into energetic orgasm.
It might be easier for some people to connect with this free flow of erotic energy if you’re with a partner, but you can also be blissfully immersed in your own self-pleasure practice, with or without genital touch. It can be such a profound and empowering aspect of connecting with your own innate sensuality.
Here are the steps:
- Set the stage. Get prepared, creating the kind of space you’d like to be in to have any other kind of orgasm. You can be lying down on your back with knees bent and feet flat on the bed or floor beneath you, or if practicing solo, you can also try this practice sitting up so your body is more free to move and swirl.
- Go within. Turn your attention inward, closing the eyes to signal to the mind that it’s time to relax and let go.
- Open up the breath. Take some long, deep breaths to start, relaxing your entire body. Let the breath melt through any tension anywhere inside you. Then move into circular breathing, with no pause between the exhales or inhales.
- Connect to your sensuality. Focus your attention at the level of the genitals, connect to the quality of pleasure and eroticism within you. Fantasizing and caressing other areas of the body can help get you in the mood.
- Free the spine. Following the in-breath and the out-breath, let your spine undulate while pressing the feet gently or rocking forward and back on your cushion, creating a wavelike motion in your body that naturally allows pleasure, breath, and energy to spread outward and upward from the genitals throughout the whole body. Some people like to inhale while unfurling and arching the spine upward and exhale while curling the tailbone under, but find whatever kind of movements work for you.
- Squeeze and draw upward. Increasing the speed and intensity as much as you like, you can try squeezing your pelvic floor muscles on the inhale while visualizing drawing the sexual energy up through your spine. I like to inhale through the nose, like I’m sniffing the energy up, and exhale out the mouth, letting everything go right before another inhale.
- Let loose! Remember, we’re going for an actual orgasm here, so let yourself make sounds of pleasure, get wild and expansive with that breath, and allow your body the freedom to move and wiggle and undulate however feels right. I find that the more noise I make, the more my body gets the message that we’re moving toward greater states of bliss, and my own sounds can actually push me over the edge.
This kind of energetic awareness and mastery doesn’t just happen overnight, so don’t put any expectations on yourself, and take plenty of time to just play with and explore it. Give yourself at least 10 to 20 minutes for this practice, and just see where it goes.
What does an energy orgasm feel like?
While we have associated orgasm with the quick burst of fireworks (the “climax”), there are all sorts of trippy orgasmic states that you can let yourself swoon into, which are much less of a destination to reach but more of a spacious, mysterious terrain to explore. And your mind is where you flip the switch.
The first time I had “energy sex” with a partner, I was amazed that I wasn’t even being penetrated physically, but I felt like I was. Through my partner and me using our awareness and intention, the energy pulsing through me felt the same as when he’d be physically inside me. We simulated all the same kinds of movements, breathing, and sounds that would happen with intercourse, and the energy followed right along into wave after wave of orgasm. He even had his own energetic “release” at the end too!
Energy orgasms can be emotional, too.
As a reminder, when you get your sexual energy flowing like this, it might bring stuff up! Some people have little (or not so little) shakes and twitches as the energy is flowing through. Energetic blocks, stuck emotions, memories from the past, anything that is in the way of your free and blissful expansion of pleasure will rise to the surface for healing and acceptance. So give love to those parts of you if they arise!
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This practice can also be immensely sexually awakening for some, connecting you with latent desires and visions, an arousing of your erotic power surging inside you, a level of orgasmic potential that has never fully been tapped, and dimensions of emotional and spiritual depth or subtlety that might be quite beyond description.
Eventually, you can have energy orgasms anywhere.
Once you get the hang of it, there’s really no limit to when you can access this flow of eros. You can run your energy in the bedroom, in the bathtub, on your meditation cushion or on the dance floor, or even while you’re waiting for the tea water to boil! Your body and subtle energy system are absolute treasure troves of wonder. This unlimited sensual life force is yours to tap into any time you choose and can refresh you, relax you, turn you on, and bring inspiration, creativity, and overflowing vitality into any moment.