I’m Worried That It’s Too Late to Reconcile With My Spouse – Tips and Advice That Might Help
I often hear from wives (and sometimes from husbands too) who tell me that they’re afraid that it’s too late the reconcile their marriage. Sometimes, there has been infidelity. Sometimes, the two are no longer speaking or are fighting constantly. And sometimes, the spark is just gone and one of the spouses has or is considering moving out or getting divorced. People often assume that any of these things (and some others too) mean that it’s too late to make things right.
It’s my experience that it’s rarely too late to reconcile with your spouse, even if only one of you is interested in doing so. I’ve seen couples who have filed for divorce reconcile at the last second. I’ve seen couples who can’t stand the site of one another manage to try again and make it work. And, I’ve even seen a few couples who actually did divorce and but then later remarried. Sometimes luck is involved. But many times, what it takes is one spouse’s determination to turn things around and a workable plan. I will discuss this more in the following article.
If You Truly Want To Reconcile With Your Spouse, Don’t Arbitrarily Rule It Out: Many of the people who tell me that they think it’s “too late to reconcile” take this assumption as fact. Once they’ve made up their mind that their marriage is beyond the point of no return, they’ll sort of check out as a means of self preservation. No one wants to be the only one who wants a reconciliation because this sets you up for painful rejection.
But the problem is that if no one takes a chance or makes a move, then you run the risk of the relationship ending. And, while your pride may still be in tact, the person that you love (and the marriage that you wanted) is now gone because you let it go without a real attempt to save it. Yes, it can feel very vulnerable to admit to yourself that you want to reconcile when you suspect that it might be too late, but honestly, you’ll never know if it’s too late or not if you don’t take a chance and make an attempt.
The Best Strategy To Take When You’re Afraid That You’re Too Late In Reconciling The Marriage Is Often To Focus On The Core Relationship Instead: I often have people tell me that there’s no way they can save their marriage because their spouse has moved out or is seeing someone else or won’t even take their calls anymore. Admittedly, these things can be difficult to overcome, but they aren’t impossible.
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Sometimes, the bigger the obstacle, the more you’ll have to take things slowly and accept small and gradual victories. There’s no reason to push too hard or to try to make up too much ground too soon. You’re often much better off moving gradually. It may be unrealistic to think that you can reconcile your marriage overnight or in a week or two. But, you can just take it one day at a time and attempt to make small improvements in the core relationship with your spouse.
Sometimes, it helps to take the pressure off and to tell yourself (and potentially tell your spouse) that you don’t know where the marriage is headed, but you do know that you want the relationship to improve because this person is too important to you to just let them go because you’re afraid that it’s “too late.”
It’s likely not too late to take action meant to change negative perceptions to positive ones and meant to draw your spouse toward you rather than pushing them away. I find that when many people are in this situation, they become guarded and reluctant rather than open and forthcoming. In my opinion, this is the worst thing you can do. You don’t have to come on too strongly or profess your undying love when your spouse is reluctant to hear this. But, you can attempt small improvements that you are comfortable with.
Gradually and slowly, you can build on these small improvements until you’re making great strides at reconciling. You don’t have to define it as such or place too much pressure on the process. In fact, avoiding this will often help you to have a greater deal of success and to face less roadblocks. Don’t make the mistake of trying to do too much too soon or attempting to force your spouse to “work” on all your large problems.
In the beginning stages of a reconciliation (especially when your spouse is reluctant,) you’re better off leaving the problems for later until you’ve improved your relationship and your level of commitment. Everything doesn’t need to be perfect for a reconciliation, but improvements are usually needed. And small improvements can often happen with out too much difficulty and can be eventually built upon.