Relationship Advice – How to Stop Fighting With Your Spouse
When there is conflict in a marriage, no one wins. It might feel like you have to fight from your corner and, of course, telling your side of the story or giving your opinion, is important. However, you can express how you feel while showing respect to you partner, and acceptance you are not necessarily right.
Relationships should not be based on a winner and loser concept. In other words, in a true loving relationship, you should not desire to see your partner “lose” so you can “win”. If they are unhappy and upset, what have you really won anyway?
With this approach you’ll achieve a much better outcome for the both of you. Remember you and your partner are on the same side, in the same team, not in opposing teams or in competition with each other.
Trying to resolve a conflict while you are in a state of feeling hurt, upset or even angry, is always difficult for those involved. Focus on what you love about your spouse, and your feelings will start to balance out in a direction which will enable you to both find a resolution.
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If you have found yourself in the middle of a fight, the first step to take is to stop! Whatever your spouse is doing or saying, state calmly you want to make things better again and will do whatever it takes to achieve that. They will either follow your lead or not. If they follow your lead then you can work through the problem together. If they don’t want to at the moment then give them some space, letting them know you want to work things out when they’re ready. Tell them you will check back in with them later. Don’t take any resistance personally, respect where they are at and take some time out for yourself.
The underlying cause of most conflicts in relationships is to do with you or your spouse not feeling loved. If you remember this it can help to understand where problems often arise. Sometimes, one or both partners may even have issues of their own that need to be worked out. You cannot put two people together and expect nothing but a bed of roses.
Another strategy that can help is if you both agree to put the argument to one side for a set period of time and then go off and do something else. This can allow the feelings of upset and anger to pass and give you both time to see the situation differently. The heat of the moment is the worst time to attempt to problem solve.