Relationship Wisdom – Why Did I Marry This Person?
You might have come to a place in your relationship where you have been asking yourself questions like this one: ‘How on earth did I ever believe we were meant for each other?’ This article will look deeper into the topic of relationship disillusionment and help you understand what happened.
You always marry the right person
You might not like to easily accept this statement but the fact is that at any given time, you marry the right person, given the circumstances, the knowledge and wisdom you have, the feelings that are present or the situation and requirements of society and time. With time you gain more wisdom and insight and feelings do change.
If you haven’t already, you might want to understand the stages you cycle through in any intimate relationship. We usually start to get to know someone and if we mutually like each other we start what is called the courtship phase.
If this initial ‘getting to know and feel safe with each other’ period brings a sense of feeling safe with each other we literally fall in love and enter the honeymoon period. This stage brings with it a cocktail of hormones and emotions which will allow you to see each other in the best possible light and even keep unattractive traits hidden even though they are obvious to innocent bystanders.
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If you commit yourself to a person in the first six to 18 months of a relationship, there is a good chance that you are still in the honeymoon period and simply choose not to see certain facts that later make you wonder why you ever married this person.
These are not the only reason why we might get married to what later seems like the wrong partner. If you look closely at the motivation to get married it’s not just love and compatibility that makes people say ‘yes, I do’. Some might see marriage as a way out of living with mum and dad, getting some freedom, financial security, a long wished for child and family, status, a way to fit in with friends, a way to fit in with religious or societal requirements or simply what everyone else is doing around that age and not wanting to remain single.
On a deeper level and through my work specializing in relationship development I generally see that each and every relationship has the potential to teach you something about yourself. The question is whether you want to sign up for the ride.
There are obviously times where a relationship is no longer sustainable and it might be better to discontinue the marriage. To find out whether this is the case speak to a relationship specialist about it.