The phrase that everyone repeated at least once in their life: “Relationships are not easy!” I want to clarify. In theory, the relationship itself is very simple, since it develops in a natural rhythm at the will of the senses: they met, fell in love, decided to be together. But people who are involved in relationships can make it difficult – and even very.
The fact is that we are not too happy with the idea that “relationships need to be worked on.” What nonsense is this, but what about love? Why is a harmonious union, arising from a great and bright feeling, is not able to magically work by itself, like a well-oiled machine?
READ MORE: 6 Tips for Surviving Separation
Unfortunately, even the heroes of fairy tales do not hope for this. Relationships really take effort, and they can be strong and happy – if you know the right hacks. A romantic bond can be strengthened and improved by working in two ways:
- Demanding more from myself,
- Demanding more from a partner.
No magic is required, everything is extremely simple and outlined below in ten tips, following which you get the right chance to extend your relationship to the “forever” regime.
1. Don’t sacrifice your privacy
Not in the sense that “keep running on dates with a stable partner” – this kind of freedom is difficult to combine with serious intentions. You may be on fire for each other with a sincere passion, but that does not mean that the rest of your life should dissolve in selfless adoration. Don’t forget your friends and family, don’t give up your evening yoga, Saturday spa sessions, and Sunday breakfasts with your sister. Take care of independence, do not drown your personality in love, do not get into the habit of asking for time off and reporting – having lost the single status, you can still do whatever you want and whenever you want. It invigorates, supports self-esteem, and saves the relationship from routine and boredom.
2. Be honest with your feelings
Tell yourself the truth and only the truth: are you really happy? Are you satisfied? Physically, emotionally, mentally? Yes, it’s not easy – the female nature is prone to sacrificial compromises, but these three points are crucial. If you are connected only by breathtaking sex, sooner or later there will be a problem “and talk?” If you entertain each other with a play on words, but at the same time intimacy slips on the “C” – the prognosis is also unfavorable. Or are you satisfied with both the mind and the physiology, but he avoids talking about love and has never given a flower? Obviously, this too will soon cease to suit you. The secret of strong reciprocity lies in a strong and natural connection on all counts; so make sure that everything is so in your relationship, or at least it goes. Otherwise, consider escape routes.
3. Do not persecute or harass with jealousy
Oh, this eternal female question: “Where are you?”, Piercing men like a voodoo caster’s needle. If you bombard him with messages 24/7, call a hundred times a day, and in general your world revolves only around him, it’s time to admit that your feelings mutate into addiction. Men are stifled by the persecution. This approach will not help keep anyone, acting exactly the opposite. Be more confident in yourself, do not worry, he will not go anywhere. And even if you’ve got such a hot handsome man that it’s hard not to worry about it, convince yourself that you will be fine anyway. Disable the pursuit option. Once and for all. Remember that you are also fire. Let him chase you, it’s much more fun.
4. Love yourself and take care of yourself
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Many women complain that they either cannot find a suitable partner, or are always attracted to specimens that treat them the wrong way. The reason is low self-esteem: we attract the level of love that we feel for ourselves. You can’t burn yourself with the napalm of self-criticism every day and expect others to treat you like a queen. Believe me, men read it easily.
Take a positive look at your qualities and start loving yourself for who you are, right now. And if you love yourself, then you take care of yourself – you protect your health, go to bed on time, allow yourself a relaxing bubble bath, or maybe a spontaneous bachelorette party tonight. It is very important to pamper yourself by nourishing the soul outside of the relationship, otherwise you will have nothing to give.
5. Do not seek to please and adapt.
The desire to please is based on the expectation of positive feedback: love, kindness, gratitude. However, the world is unreasonably generous with negativity, and people will gladly use you, recognizing the need to give themselves completely. Relationships are a two-way street: please your health, but make sure you please too. Strive for a healthy balance of dedication and selfishness. And, please, do not be fooled by the fear of loneliness, agreeing to options from the series “let it be so” – this approach does not bring happiness. I am not one of those who are waiting for Mister Perfect, but I firmly believe that each of us can count on the option “what is needed”.
6. Don’t avoid problems
Nobody likes conflict. That is, for sure there are people who are entertained by strife, but, apparently, they are in the minority. But what happens if partners, not wanting to sort things out, constantly turn on the avoidance mode? Nothing good. If you avoid problems for years, they will accumulate, and one day you will wake up 25 years later and realize that you will never be able to figure them out, because you have long forgotten where this huge pile began. Don’t suppress negative (or positive) emotions. Talk to your partner about any issues that bother you. Firstly, you are a team, which means that you need to work together to overcome adversity. And secondly, you always deserve respect and the right to speak up.
7. Make time for each other.
Yes, you have your own life, but, on the other hand, you need to find a balance between the private and the general, otherwise the relationship may wither at the most promising stage. Your connection needs care and attention, confessions and walks, surprises and gifts, romantic dates and cozy home evenings. Be creative and spare no energy to fuel your feelings.
8. Make equal efforts
It is believed that relationships require a 50/50 return. What nonsense, only 100/100! Both partners must make 100% efforts every day to maintain the relationship in the right degree and dynamics. It is difficult to expect harmony from the connection “100 to 20”, “100 to 50” or even “100 to 99”. You must be on an equal footing. If your union is out of balance, you need to talk about it to get back on track.
9. Don’t skimp on empathy and appreciation.
As a team, you cannot oppose each other. This means that you cannot take into account only your own point of view. Whether you are right or wrong, acknowledge the reality of the difference in perception. If your partner sees the situation differently, try to understand and, most importantly, let him know that you respect his view of things. What else? Be a good listener and feel free to be grateful. Even if he only loaded the dishwasher, say thank you. Thank him for what he does for you, and he will want to do it again to keep you happy. And, of course, he will be grateful in return.
10. Don’t try to change it
It is no secret that many women believe that they are able to change the man with whom they decided to connect their lives. “”If I make him lose 10 kilos, he will be much more attractive”, or “If I can wean him from video games, I will be happy”, or “As soon as we get married, he will change for the better” – all these internal innuendo have no relationship to real love and long-term happiness. If you don’t like the way he looks, talks, or kisses right now, without thinking of any wonderful changes, you shouldn’t be with him. Dot. Free yourself from fictitious responsibilities – leave to someone who will be happy with the original.