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The 10 Best Tips on How to Keep Sabotaging Your Relationships Over and Over Again

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This article lists the best 10 tips you will ever receive about how to fail in relationships. Paying great attention to them is a sure way to understand how to keep sabotaging your relationships over and over again. Read and internalize with the fullest attention.

1. Never take responsibility for your part in the failure of your relationships. Always blame your partners.

Taking responsibility shows that you too might be wrong. This can take away some of the respect and love your partner feels towards you. Being sure you are always right is the best way to prove your integrity and show how strong you are!

2. Don’t ever try to get in touch and understand the needs which might drive you to sabotage your relationships.

Trying to understand what might drive you to sabotage your relationships means that you don’t know yourself 100%. It means you don’t know “who you truly are.”

In today’s world, where “knowledge is power”, not knowing “who you are” is a weakness. You can’t allow yourself to believe and assume you have personal needs you are not aware of which might drive you to harm your relationships.

There is no reason for you to even consider the possibility that you have needs which cause you to sabotage your relationships (such as: the need to always be in control which drives your partners away from you; the need to always get attention and love which makes you too dependent on your partners; the need to always be “right” which makes you an unpleasant and stubborn person, and so on).

3. Don’t even attempt to realize and understand the fears that control you and drive you to sabotage your relationships.

It doesn’t make sense that you have fears you are unaware of which harm your relationships. It is certain that you realize your fears and know how to combat them. If you are unsuccessful in your relationships it is not due to fears. There is no reason to suspect you of having fear of commitment (which might drive you to escape from each and every relationship you begin to develop); fear of being alone (which might drive you to jump into a relationship with whoever blinks at you); fear of losing your independence (which drives you to be controlling with your partners); fear of being hurt (which might drive you to be cautious with your partners causing you to never dare to open up), and so on. No. Don’t let anyone suspect you have fears you are unaware of which cause you to sabotage your relationships!

4. Don’t ever check whether your expectations from partners and relationships are unrealistic.

It is great to have expectations! It is also natural to expect your partner to be there for you all the time; to love you unconditionally; to always understand you; to always remember your birthday. It is great to expect that you and your partner will always be in a good mood; will always be sexually attracted to one another, and so on.

If you find out that your expectations are not fulfilled – that your partner doesn’t fulfill them! – it is not your fault! You have done nothing wrong! There is no reason for you to contemplate whether your expectations are unrealistic and try to modify them. If your relationship fails, there is no reason to suspect your expectations did any damage to it. Just find another partner!

5. Believe in your fantasies and make sure they materialize!

Fantasies are part of life. They give you something to dream about, something to look forward to. Where will you be without your fantasies? The more fantasies you have about partners and relationships the richer your relationship can be! Together with your partner you can reach the highest sky!

Fantasize that your love will be just like in the movies. That your partner will supply all your needs. That the two of you will do everything together and never fight. That you will always agree on everything.

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Hang on to your fantasies! Let no one tell you they are unrealistic! They are part of “who you are” – of your perception of reality, of the way you approach love and relationships. Don’t ever give them up!

6. Remember that you are always right!

Whenever conflicts and arguments arise between you and your partner, never think – not even for a minute – that your partner may be right, and never ever compromise! Compromises in life indicate weakness, and once you compromise your partner might use it against you time and again in the future. You need to be assertive, even aggressive, knowing what you want and how to pursue it. Never succumb! If your partner doesn’t like it – it’s your partner’s problem, not yours!

OR, by the same token –

7. Always be submissive; compromising; giving in; allowing abuse; loving and understanding.

Never allow yourself to do and express what you want to see taking place between you and your partner. Never express a different idea to your partner’s. Never refuse to do what your partner wants. The more you are there for your partner without any mutuality, the better it is for the relationship.

8. Always react towards your partner and behave the same way you have in past relationships.

Prove to yourself that you are consistent. That you don’t change from one relationship to another. There is no reason to choose different reactions and behaviors with different partners. If your past relationships failed it isn’t because something you did or not; it is more likely because something your partner did. Or maybe “the time wasn’t right”; or you were “too busy pursuing your career”, and so on. So there is no reason for you to devote time to thinking what to do differently in a future relationship.

9. Never try to change anything related to “who you are” and the way you behave in a relationship.

The process of growing up has taken you years to arrive at where you are. During the years you have unconsciously learned and internalized (from your parents; the society you grew up in; books, movies, fairy-tales and more) a belief-system, a perception of reality; messages about love and relationships.

In your adult life you continue to hang on to these. And this is fine. There is no reason for you to give them up. No reason to attempt to change anything you carry on with you for so many years. You are doing just fine. If your relationship fails, that’s too bad, but it isn’t a reason for you to begin doubting yourself or begin to “work” on finding out what has driven you to fail. Things happen, sometimes more than once.

10. Resist, fight and reject any advice/suggestion to develop self-awareness.

Self-Awareness is something only “losers” develop; only those who “don’t find themselves”; only those who “are not certain about themselves.”

If you know who you are; if you appreciate yourself; if you feel you have a fine level of self-esteem – why develop Self-Awareness? It can only make your partner doubt your integrity; your strength; your stability.

There is no reason for you to become aware of the ways in which you keep sabotaging your relationships time and again. Avoid any temptation to get to know and understand yourself better. Be and stay “who you are”. After all, consistency in life is a virtue!

Source by Doron Gil, Ph.D.

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