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Navigating Through Rough Waters: 13 Common Mistakes Married Couples Make When Arguing

Arguing is an inevitable part of any marriage. It’s normal for couples to have disagreements, but how they handle those arguments can make all the difference in maintaining a healthy and strong relationship.

READ MORE: Benefits of Couples Therapy: Why Every Relationship Can Benefit

Unfortunately, many couples unknowingly fall into patterns of behavior that can escalate conflicts and damage their bond. In this blog post, we’ll explore ten of the most common mistakes married couples make when arguing and provide practical tips for overcoming these pitfalls.

13 Common Mistakes Married Couples Should Avoid When Arguing

  1. Ignoring the Issue

One of the biggest mistakes couples make when arguing is avoiding the problem altogether. Ignoring or sweeping issues under the rug may seem like a temporary solution, but in reality, it only allows the problem to fester and grow. Instead, make an effort to address conflicts as they arise, fostering open and honest communication.

  1. Reacting Emotionally

In the heat of an argument, it’s easy to let emotions take control. Reacting impulsively, shouting, or resorting to personal attacks will only escalate the situation further. Instead, strive to remain calm and composed. Take a deep breath, listen to your partner’s perspective, and respond thoughtfully.

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  1. Focusing on Winning

Arguments should never be about winning or losing. The goal should always be to find a resolution that satisfies both partners. Avoid falling into a competitive mindset and instead shift the focus towards understanding each other’s needs and finding a compromise that benefits both parties.

  1. Bringing Up Past Issues

Bringing up past mistakes or arguments during a current disagreement can be highly destructive. It not only diverts the attention from the present issue but also creates a sense of resentment and undermines trust. Stay focused on the matter at hand, and address past conflicts separately in a calm and constructive manner.

  1. Using Absolute Statements

Words like “always” and “never” can be dangerous in an argument. They are often exaggerated and tend to put your partner on the defensive. Instead, express your feelings using “I” statements and avoid making sweeping generalizations. This approach fosters understanding and allows for productive dialogue.

  1. Avoiding Active Listening

Listening is a crucial component of effective communication, yet it is often overlooked during arguments. Couples often interrupt, dismiss, or fail to truly hear their partner’s perspective. Practice active listening by giving your partner your undivided attention, validating their feelings, and paraphrasing to ensure you understand their point of view.

  1. Disregarding Non-Verbal Cues

Communication is not just about what we say but also about how we say it. Non-verbal cues such as body language and tone of voice play a significant role in conveying our emotions. Pay attention to these cues both in yourself and your partner. By being aware of non-verbal signals, you can prevent miscommunication and address underlying emotions effectively.

  1. Refusing to Compromise

Compromise is key in any relationship, and refusing to budge on every issue can create resentment and deadlock. Instead of stubbornly holding onto your position, be open to finding common ground. Seek solutions that accommodate both partners’ needs, fostering a sense of collaboration and unity.

  1. Forgetting to Validate Feelings

Validation is a powerful tool in defusing arguments. It’s essential to acknowledge your partner’s emotions, even if you don’t necessarily agree with their perspective. Validating their feelings shows empathy and helps create an environment where both partners feel heard and understood.

10. Failing to Seek Professional Help

Persistent and unresolved conflicts can take a toll on a marriage. If communication breakdowns persist despite your best efforts, seeking professional help is a wise choice. Marriage counselors or therapists can provide valuable guidance, offering tools and strategies tailored to your unique situation. Don’t hesitate to reach out for assistance when needed. Seeking professional help demonstrates a commitment to the relationship and a willingness to work towards its improvement.

11. Failure to Take Breaks:

13 Common Mistakes Married Couples Should Avoid When Arguing
13 Common Mistakes Married Couples Should Avoid When Arguing

When tensions rise during an argument, taking a break can be beneficial to both parties. Continuing an argument while emotions are running high often leads to irrationality and further damage to the relationship. Agree on a pause, allowing time for reflection and self-regulation. Take a walk, engage in a calming activity, or simply breathe deeply. Returning to the discussion with a clear mind and a calmer demeanor promotes healthier communication and problem-solving.

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12. Ignoring Each Other’s Perspectives

One of the primary mistakes couples make during an argument is dismissing or disregarding their partner’s viewpoint. Failing to acknowledge and understand each other’s perspectives can escalate tensions and hinder progress. Instead, take the time to actively listen, validate your partner’s feelings, and strive to empathize with their point of view. This approach fosters a sense of mutual respect and creates a foundation for meaningful dialogue.

13. Resorting to Personal Attacks

During heated arguments, it’s tempting to resort to personal attacks as a means of venting frustration. However, hurling insults or derogatory comments at your partner is detrimental to the relationship. Instead, focus on addressing the issue at hand without attacking your spouse personally. Maintain a respectful tone and communicate your concerns using “I” statements to express your feelings without blaming or belittling your partner.


Arguments are an inevitable part of any marriage, but they need not be destructive. By avoiding common mistakes and adopting healthier communication habits, couples can transform conflicts into opportunities for growth, understanding, and deeper connection.

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By actively listening, showing respect, and prioritizing compromise, couples can navigate disagreements with greater empathy and find mutually satisfactory resolutions. Remember, a successful marriage isn’t one without conflicts, but one where conflicts are approached with love, understanding, and a commitment to working together.

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